An alert reader from very high up has noted the rise in drug-crazed primates attacking people for no reason. No, not Sham Hamity and Bill Oreally?. We're talking about chimpanzees pumped up on Xanax and turning on their human "friends."Coming close on the heels of the guy who took his pet chimpanzee a birthday cake at the wildlife center and got his balls chewed off in the process, this is truly a cause for national alarm.
We advocate an amendment to the stimulus bill to support "Trank My Monkey Dot Com," a vital effort to run around town in a van with tranquillizer darts and put all those screaming primates down. And if Hamity, Oreally?, C*lter, Limbo, Glen Bleech, etc., absorb a little friendly fire, well, that's just acceptable collateral damages, ne c'est pas?
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