Holiday cheers --- Part I

Holiday cheers -- Part II

Holiday cheers -- Part III

Holiday cheers -- Part IV

Holiday cheers -- Part V

Reader's Digest Condensed Holiday Songs

Oh Little Town of Bettendorf
I need at least to show
My folks are all lined up to vote
I hope it doesn't snow



Away in New Hampshire
No boots on the ground
Poor little Lord Gingrich
is hawking books at the Crown's



We three saints were all called by God
You may think that it's kind of odd
But should one falter at the media altar
There'll still be a reserve, ohhh....



Hegel, Hegel, Hegel
Your dialectic's so material
Hegel, Hegel, Hegel
Political reality's so ethereal

Be good or else

Whose gag is this anyhow?

Beaglelitigators are already filling up their briefs to stop this plagaristic outrage.

Plus the time saved by not having to think these things through

Black tie and formal dog collar event

Top Ten part 1

Top Ten part 2

What many GOSPer and Independent women voters are saying these days

Let's all just make this real simple for everyone

What this process would look like

Those who forget the past....

Lemme break it down for ya

Future conditional past tense

Possible ad for the fall

Pawlenty syndrome

St. Orum

Everybody has got something to hide

Mil-ton Mil-ton Mil-ton Mil-ton

Milton the Fried--man

Milton the Fried--man

Milton has got it going

Milton has got it showing

The Hand--- Invis'ble Hand--

Everybody's got to fess up and show

'cept for me and my money.

The more we take in net

The more we will strive, yeah

But put a new tax on

How could we survive?

C'mon. C'mon.

Milton & Pinochet

All Right all every day

Milton & Pinochet

Free market anarchy

Milton Friedman Milton Friedman

Everybody left can fight for the scraps

'cept for me and my money.

Your base is outside.

And your outside is base.

From the fiftieth floor,

you're out of our face

Mil-ton. Mil-ton.

Don't let resentment linger,

accept our middle finger.

We know this grab can't last,

that's why we're blasting past

Common de--cency, Common de--cency

Multi-nation'ls have feelings, they do,

'cept for me and my money.

Take back your life

Two hours per debate, endless hours of tiresome hash and rehashing the obvious, pointless belabouring, etc...times the next five debates?  Really?

Now, courtesy of Beaglemedia International Condensed Policy Analysis, you can have that time back to:

-- Find an acceptable copy of Iron Butterfly on eBay.
-- Update your facebook page with hi-res photos of interesting things found cleaning your gutters.
-- Roulette chat with GOSPer candidates who have been kicking themselves for not getting in the race (Palin, Kasich, Walker, Daniels, Ricky Schroeder, Victoria Jackson, etc.)

Note: Some assembly required.

Base

Print - Glue to cardboard - 

Place in front of the creche of your choice or tendencies - Enjoy!

Against all enemies -- foreign and domestic

Against all enemies -- real and imagined

Reality TV for the Reality-Based Community

 

We couldn't make this schtuff up

Four years of this? Really? Part I

Four years of this? Really? Part II

In our next thrilling episode

Stamp Out Help

Who Would Jesus Bomb?

2nd day in office

Or maybe yer one of those...

Tendentious comix presents

 

We're not kidding

It's OK, they've got a back-up plan

Talk about working

The latest dance craze

What Rough Beast is this

slouchin' Armageddon bound?

I hope you can dig

I'm the smartest, hands down.

Oh, yeah,

Lord knows what I have did.

You can call it SuperEgo,

but I could be messing with yer Id.

I got Fresh Ideas that will
amaze and confound.

It's plain as day

I'm the Brain of these Clowns.

Big Lie.
I cannot tell a fib. 

 You can say it's boundless Ego,

but I'd say I'm messing with yer Id.

Middling Amer-i-ca,

the brains of a sheep.
You votin' our way
while we bury you deeper.
Jump Back.
I gotta Contrack.

You can say it's all a phony, but

I'm always best on the Attack.

(piroutte)

Rented rocks on my wife.

I owe a pile fer my jet.

Stacks o' PACs workin'.

You've seen nothing as yet.

Big Lie.

I'm replete with bonifides.

You can bitch that it's Class Warfare.

I call it middle-class-icide

Mandates ' n Fly Zones? Sure,

I been on both sides.

Drown in a bathtub:

one of my best lies.

Eyes Right,

Lemme take you for a ride.

You can call it shrinkin' gummit.

I call it middle-class-icide.

Beagle International Pronounciation Guide

Would you like to see GOSPer policies make more sense? It's a simple matter of using correct pronunciation. GOSPers have no interest in creating "jobs," if by jobs you mean paid employment. Not at all. They are interested in creating a nation of Jobs, folks who are willing to attribute any deprivation or indignity to "God's will." 

Now go back and read or listen to every statement of Boehner, McConnell, Ryan, Cantor, and all of the eight or nine dwarfs on the GOSPer primary circuit. Aha! Now it makes perfect sense.

/ˈdʒoʊb/; Hebrew: אִיוֹב‎ ʾ iyobh

/dʒɑb/ Middle English gobbe "lump, mouthful"

If you don't know this joke and have 30 minutes, call 1-800-BEAGLE

Mebbe you could ride it outta town

GOSPers should keep their options open

The Beagle drives the news

What could dynamite the Denver Post from yammering endlessly about Tim Tebow and run a news story?  The Beagle, dammit.

The Beagle two weeks ago.
The Denver Post this week.

Superfund Hazardous Waste Sites today 
Projected 2015 after full implementation of GOSPer deregulation

The Bible doesn't say anything about "zygotes"

That would be too much like science.

Now that the "personhood" amendment has failed twice in Colorado and once in Mississippi, it's time to focus on the real sin that gets you instantaneously zapped by Yahweh every time.

latest debate

No alarms and no surprises, please

Counter demonstration

Who gets to say?

Don't worry, Annie.  We don't want to trade

Perry's channels his inner Kovacs

here
no need to watch past 3:02


We're not kidding 

A rare Beagle product endorsement

Future GOSPer frontrunners

Donald Trump, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain --
Apparently all you have to do is throw in to get ahead of Mitt...

There's still 10 months til the GOSPer convention.  Here are some future frontrunners to look for:


December
January
February
March
April
May
June
July  (The one to the right of W)
August (the one who's a deeper thinker even than Dr. Gingrich)

McConnell and Boehner announce new GOSPer job creation plan

It's just gotta work

Back by popular demand

Better see it our way.

Would it help if I should read my talking points again?

If we do it your way,

There'd be nothing left up here but Marxism and sin.

We can't work it out,
We can't work it out.

We have got a jobs plan.

All we need to do right now is to shred the safety net,

double down on tax cuts.

All the job creators tell us that it's a sure bet.

We can't work it out,
We can't work it out.

Deadline's coming fast, and there's no time
for us to hear your so-called facts.

Democrat ideas, well, they're a crime.

The only tool we need's an axe.

Let us do it our way,

or else I swear we won't do anything at all.

You can hit the highway

cuz we will say that it is principle not gall.

We can't work it out,
We can't work it out.

Two thousand and eight, it shouldn't be.
See Tea crackers marching on the lawn.

Oligarchs and crooks need to be free

until the Old America's gone.

Let us do it our way

Knock out every law there is since nineteen twenty eight.

Just forget the real world,

We promise free bananas*, wouldn't that great.

We can't work it out,
We can't work it out.

* Distribution of bananas may be subject to availability, income, party registration, neighborhood, 

   race and/or religion.

Why take chances?

We're not kidding

Original intent

Shouldn't they already be stuffed?

It's only domestic a) when we give it away cheap or b) when we buy it back dear