Ask Dr. Hin?

Q: What is benzodiazepine ? How many benzodiazepine compounds do you normally take before you go to bed? What is an anxiolytic? What diagnosis recommends prescribing an amnestic? Can you moon dance when you are on a lot of skeletal muscle relaxants? Does the combination of anti-arrhythmic and rhythmic drugs add up to some kind of supa-rhythmic stop I mean what's that rhythmic thang going on?

A: Benzodiazepine drugs have variable sedative, hypnotic (sleep-inducing), anxiolytic (anti-anxiety), anticonvulsant, muscle relaxant and amnesic resultings that can be treating anxieties, insomnias, agitations, seizures, muscle spasms, and alcohol withdrawals. Benzodiazepines depress the central nervous system by enhancing the effects of gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), a neural inhibitor.

Q: So how many substances can you recommend for me?

A: I'm sure we can come up with something.

Down memory lane

Lew Ayres played Dr. Kildare in nine MGM movies1 before attempting to enlist as a member of the Medical Corps. When the military would not guarantee him a slot, he declared himself a conscientious objector. The Pentagon decided that was bad ink and let him in the medics. He served in New Guinea in the Pacific theater.

• 1Young Dr. Kildare (1938)
• Calling Dr. Kildare (1939)
• The Secret of Dr. Kildare (1939)
• Dr. Kildare's Strange Case (1940)
• Dr. Kildare Goes Home (1940)
• Dr. Kildare's Crisis (1940)
• The People vs. Dr. Kildare (1941)
• Dr. Kildare's Wedding Day (1941)
• Dr. Kildare's Victory (1942)
  

What Michael Jackson's doc had him on

Propofolm: a short-acting, intravenously administered hypnotic agent.

Three benzodiazepine derivatives:

Lorazepam: an anxiolytic, amnestic, sedative, hypnotic, anti-convulsant and muscle relaxant.
Midazolam: an ultra short-acting potent anxiolytic, amnestic, hypnotic, anticonvulsant, skeletal muscle relaxant and sedative.
Diazepam: an anxiolytic, anticonvulsant, hypnotic, sedative, skeletal muscle relaxant, and amnestic.

Lidocaine: a common local anesthetic and anti-arrhythmic drug.
Ephedrine: a sympathomimetic that acts as a stimulant, appetite suppressant, concentration aid, decongestant, and to treat hypotension associated with anaesthesia.

Free to choose

Under the fabulous current system, you always get to choose your own doctor. Choose one:

Dr. Conrad Murray
Dr. Zachary Smith
Dr. Yuri Zhivago
Dr. Marcus Welby
Dr. Strangelove
Dr. Julius No
Dr. Julius Erving
Dr. Benjamin Katz
Dr. Tommy Chong
Dr. Dre

Take this simple, at-home test.

A bewildering array of choices.

Other treatment options recommended by a licensed therapist

Odds, ends, and last resorts.

Urgent gorilla update

A Capitol Hill policy manu- facturer alerts us to developments in the British gorilla community.

Bobby: In Memoriam.

French sexy 1940s
French sexy 1960s
French sexy 1980s
French sexy today

Let's get one thing straight

Robert Armstrong playing Carl Denham as a barely disguised Merian C. Cooper (1933 King Kong, part 11 -- at 6:53) tries to put the rap on Fay Wray, as if she ever did anything as stoopid or malicious as drag a rare animal to New York City to shake it in front of the theater crowd for a couple of bucks.

So, no, Bob or Carl or Merian. It wasn't Beauty, damn it, it was the motion picture industry in collaboration with the U.S. Army Air Corps that killed King Kong. They barely beat him with the best of their men and machines, all pinned themselves with a bunch of medals, and blamed the whole mess on a woman.

Mission accomplished.

Urgent alert

I saw Japanese robots from Mars kissing Santa Claus underneath the nuclear-powered hair dryer with the defective wiring that turned the werewolf into the swamp thing.

Ethical dilemmas? who the hell cares, as long as it sells newspapers.

We are one step away from pre-programmed socialist mutant giant zombie dogs kissing escaped robot monkey doctors worldwide.

Beagletarians hit 5,000

Ask Dr. Hin?

Q: Are there a variety of general and specific terms for overindulgence in Geordie slang?
A: With no attempt to provide a complete or exhaustive list, terms in the Geordie snookeredology include:
Minted
Mullered
Monged
Mortal
Peeved
Pelatick
Whitey or Cheesed

Q: Are there ordinances or statutes prohibiting livestock from enjoying a pint from time to time?
A: Check your local listings for legal drinking ages and ages of consent, where applicable, but Peggy is still barred from her favorite South Tyneside pub.

Even further research

indicates the world's largest concentration of mountain gorillas in captivity is down among the rolling farmlands of Kent, England, on Bekesbourne Road near Bekesbourne, southeast of Canterbury at Howletts Wild Animal Park.

...a six and one-half hour drive to O'Malley's.

The path into the Impenetrable Forest.

Further research

indicates that Pop Tarts are NOT part of a balanced breakfast for gorillas in the Como Zoo, prompting an investigation of why two knuckleheaded security guards let an unidentified Twin Cities area peace officer and a crowd of others to feed Pop Tarts to resident gorillas Togo, Gordy, and Schroeder at two o'clock in the morning. Alcohol may have been involved.

Geordies' team.
Schroedinger's cat.
Skinny little country between Ghana and Benin.

Alerted by a not-for-profit nutritionist in ALARMing terms.

Another qualified nutritionist asks, what kind of Pop Tarts?

Yes, we have no Banana Pop Tarts today, but the investigation is ongoing.

Monkey roundup

• Pygmy marmoset Machu busted out of the Wellington Zoo, a fortnight after he and female friend Picchu moved in. He appeared to be following in the pawprints of Minty the monkey, who spent a week on the lam.
• Suminori Maeda, 51, of the Chiba Prefecture, mistakenly shot Masayoshi Murakoshi, 72, with a shotgun in a mountain forest in the city of Kimitsu at around 9:30 Sunday morning while they were participating in a municipal monkey eradication program.
• Thailand is wrestling with 2,500 macaques who live in and around Lopburi, where they skitter and scramble on ancient Hindu-Buddhist shrines and Khmer-style pagodas, as well as the neighborhoods and marketplaces.

More monkey news.

Can you guarantee I get to keep my same doctor?

Answer to trivia question? Sam Jaffe as Dr. David Zorba who may have also been a terrorist.

Cuz summer's here

and the time is riot.

"Part of it was families [Sawyers and Moores] that didn't get along with each other. It's big families with a lot of friends," said Marion, Alabama, District Attorney Michael Jackson [not that Michael Jackson], adding that gang members apparently were also involved, and at least one shot was fired.

The violence began Sunday night when a fight erupted after a pickup basketball game.

To put on your worry list

Alarming new reports of govern- ment- sponsored Robot Doctors! come down from an unlicensed, not-for-profit healer who is concerned that Obamacare may put her out of the "Eat this! Drink that!" business.

Private insurers and lovers of liberty continue their efforts to demonstrate the superiority of private health care.

Coming this fall.

Reader feedbag

A D.C. kingmaker and part-time paranoiac -- wary of both zombies and efforts to create an experimental black hole -- used his extensive connections in the public health community to verify certain calculations. "I love big science, especially cosmology and big physics," he writes, ensuring that readers will never hear the end of it.

A Brooklyn Freudian gushes, "I always get a great big kick outta [The Beagletown Bugle] here -- really!...The ideas twinkle!"

We cannot be held fully responsible for the twinkling of ideas, but we will keep our lookout posted for some bigger physics, and sleep with one eye open on orange Zombie alert staus.

A chevalier and "nutritional consultant," reports, "...errr...errr...I been working on my healthcare with lots of po'boys, Abitas, and barbecued shrimp, and it's startin' to hurt, ya'll. Cut that healthcare out rite now, ya heah?"

A Wisconsin book reviewer comes down firmly FOR the sale of Alaska to the highest bidder.

A Capitol Hill policymanufacturer expresses concerns about cleanliness and godliness, suggesting an argument that providing soft towels in the company washroom is a more cost-effective prophylactic against creepy socialism than paying family coverage health care premiums.

A general call for a return to the concept of shame

It isn't necessary to go all the way to lace collars and kidskin gloves, but for all the GOSPers howl about wanting to return to the golden days of yesteryore, wouldn't it be nice if anybody in America had a sense of decency?

Whose mother says, "Yes, it's not bad manners at all to publicly threaten elected officials as long as you can think up an ugly enough name to call them?"

Whose mother says, "Always think up the most absurd motives to ascribe to your political opponents so you can justify murder and mayhem?"

Whose mother says, "Go on teevee and say, 'errr.....errr...individuals and organizations advocating the violent overthrow of the government really have the right idea',"?

Decorum went out with the Western Roman Empire; it's all Vandals and Visigoths framing the debate today. Fold up those gloves with a lavender cachet and hopefully they'll come back into style.

Zombie Korner

A frequent reader com- plains that relentless coverage of health care and politics, robots, dogs, and monkeys has squeezed out needed attention to the Zombie issue.

First, there is Val Lewton, granddaddy of B-movies, a tortured genius, who died of studio mistreatment.

Then there is important new research on zombie attacks.

Then there is Rahm Emanuel determining that people throwing teabags at you and calling you a Nazi is not an inviting environment for bipartisanship. It took the White House eight months to figure that out?

Then, of course, there are millions of Ditto-heads running around looking for blood to feed their savagery and calling Obama Hitler, not just because Rush told them to, but because they came to their own independent conclusion based on analysis of the facts (people hate Hitler, so if you call somebody Hitler, people will hate that person).

Performance-enhancing drugs may be part of the overall Zombie problem.

Update update

If some were worrying, they shouldn't be. The Large Hadron Collider will only run at 3.5 TeV per beam so the operators can gain experience running the machine safely. It will open up a new discovery region for the experiments, of which, admittedly, they've had none since September, but after the gang gets used to it, they'll let the energy rise, shooting for 99.999999 percent of the speed of light, or maybe a little more.

Large Hadron Update

Some readers have spent fretful nano- seconds antici- pating the re-launch of the Large Hadron Collider, which was successfully initiated1 and then, as successfully, shut down abruptly2 when a serious fault damaged a number of superconducting magnets. Since then, technicians have been busy dusting valves and checking indicator lightbulbs.

The official Cern website says the LHC will resume its efforts to disrupt the space-time continuum in September 2009, but more recent sources point to mid-November 2009.

1. Sept. 10, 2008
2. Sept. 19. 2008

Another NYC gang

The Fluxus gang in the early 1960s ran roughshod over the traditional New York City art scene. With an emphasis on random, spontaneous, found, home made and ready made, they worked to blur the lines between art and audience, perception and experience. They were art revolutionaries -- more constructive than the Dadaists -- but committed to a violent revolution of conventional wisdom.

Kind of like the teabaggers.

And the masses turn out to protect their masters

When Amy Goodman recommends an article in Business Week, we gotta check it out. Says Chad Terhune by telephone:

The insurance companies have already been successful on three key fronts:

• They've killed the public option, so they won't have to compete with the government.
• They've managed to whittle down the definition of minimal coverage.
• They've opened up new government subsidized opportunities (acting as coops, administering prevention programs, etc.) for UnitedHealth Group, Aetna, and WellPoint).

What Terhune describes as a strategy is looking more like a fait accompli: "whatever overhaul Congress passes this year will help rather than hurt huge insurance companies."

A startling similarity

If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything, I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, [Congressman]. Now, do you understand everything I've just said? 'Cause if you don't, I'll kill ya! -- Rory Breaker, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Do you support any tax increase to support health care? Can you guarantee that I can keep my current health care plan and doctor? Will you guarantee that federally funded government health care programs will not be cut? -- Town hall questions suggested by Dick Armey's FreedomWorks

Further proof

Shocking! Alarming! Disturbing! new evidence reveals the link between Freedom Works, the Tea Party Patriots and the North American Man Boy Love Association as demonstrated by the resemblance between the logos.

Kultral notes

Original Hippies threw their trash everywhere.
Today's Hippies reuse, reclaim, and recycle, and provide a variety of receptacles and removal protocols reflecting the awesome diversity of planet Earth.

Original Hippies squinted through a haze of smoke.
Today's Hippies are pie-eyed on energy drinks and really wish you wouldn't smoke inside or outside, but you can go way out in the parking lot, better still, just get in your car and roll up the windows.

Original Hippies wore 501s and 501 cut-offs.
Today's Hippies empty the racks at REI in an array of multi-functional attire made of cotton, wool, hemp, sisal, flax, and reconstituted synthetics.

Positively 4th St., Long Branch, NJ

You got a lotta nerve to pull me off the street
just because I'm smelly and unshaven.

You got a lotta nerve to ask for bonifides
from an culture hero, poet, proto- maven.

You say you've had some complaints from people in the 'hood.
I guess my “Q” is low among Hispanics.

Architectural walk on a Jersey afternoon.
Who called out the gendarmes? Why the panics?

Do you take me for such a dope, I'd go round with my swag?
Wherever I go folks are shoving things at me.

Can we swing by, see Willie and them, and tell 'em I'll be late?
Say I got busted for saunterin' or what it is exactly?

In re: Case of the Pokey Folkie

What hath God wrought

Les Paul leaves us with an enormous legacy -- his innovations in electric guitars and multi-track recording loom large, resulting in this and this.

More talking points

Here are the recent set of research- based arguments approved by Rash Limbo, Glenn Bleech, et al for their independent thinkers, known as dittoheads.

• Kick 'em in the behind.
• Spit on 'em.
• Call 'em Nazis.

Repeat as necessary.

Beagletarians, including a frequent contributor, suggest a more enlightened way to resolve differences.

photo stolen from Warshigton Past

Be afraid

We are not kidding this time.

"They" have developed a robot that eats biomass and which it cooks in its stomach for the purpose of long-range roboting, for whenever you need to send a robot unassisted into the jungles of Papau New Guinea.

(Seen in a Harper's)

Some respond vehemently to unfounded internet rumors and Fox News.

Watch a robot eat donuts.

Talking points memo

Kouture Korner

Having invented the bikini in 1946, the French think everyone should wear one -- and less of one all the time. It brings to mind how matters of great consequence get trivialized so easily -- as in the notion that the bikini split the atome, ha ha ha. And also the great proto-frog Charlemagne who lopped off the heads of anyone who didn't go to his church.

Contrarians ask, what about the Greeks, hunh?

Tried and true tactics

Boston Tea Party? maybe, but to us the streams of GOSPer "debate teams" hearkens back to the "Bloody Sixth Ward," made famous in Scorsese's Gangs of New York.

The 1863 New York Draft Riots arose from Irish resentment that they were being conscripted to liberate African Americans who were going to move in next door and take their crappy jobs for lower wages.

According to historian Tyler Ansinger, only one Five Points Irisher was drafted and showed up, Hugh Boyle, 27, of 24 Mott St., who served with the 18th New York Cavalry in Gainnie Landing, Louisiana. A true maverick with an independent spirit, he refused to follow the crowd and be an agent of the federal government in occupied Texas, so he absconded back to Mott St. with his Remington.

Admiral Poindexter effect

GoogleCorp peruses the Beagle then slips in a little plug from the dyspeptic Birchers and Birthers at Human Events. Thanks, but no thanks.

Our marketing department found that two out of three regular readers prefer collies over mutts. We continue to maintain our pledge to the readership worldwide.

From the Advanced Institute for Conservative Studies

A concise summary of the GOSPer arguments against health care reform.

Palin drone

Folks in the precincts, in real America, in neighborhoods where plain, ordinary people live out their dreams and ambitions with faith and the gumption to roll up their sleeves are not out mocking mavericks who have the courage and vision to fight for liberty, also taking some unconventional paths along the way, and who, in the wake of the economic devastation left by the reckless Democrat party and its faithful lapdog, the mainstream media, volunteered to open up a job for a fellow citizen and take time to focus on family and check progress on an inspiring book about a small town girl who embodies the purposes and principles that make America great and who is willing to stand up and lead this great nation with so many challenges ahead and perils abroad and, domestically, the deliberate Democrat efforts to undermine the traditional moral values right-thinking Americans hold dear, and only liberal elites with their effete snobbery and special interest war chests would run 30-second primary ads replaying remarks given long in the past complaining that Barack Obama had written two autobiographies without ever having once come face-to-face with the decisions and responsibilities a mayor and also partly a governor has to take seriously as the chief bulwark against the over-reaching arrogance of the legislative and also especially the unelected judicial branches.

Decide for yourself

Americans enjoy the greatest health care coverage in the world.1 Under Obamacare, you would have to wait in line to use a government-controlled doctor in Canada, killing your grandmother with deliberate neglect, incompetence, and bureaucratic mismanagement.

Common sense will tell you that if administrative costs are a mere 12 percent of private insurance and a whopping 2 percent of the costs of Medicare, the private sector will be the clear loser2 under Obamacare. Besides, where could the cost savings come from?

Obamatarians only want to control every aspect of your life and kill little Trig in the bargain.3


1. Measured by insurance company profits.
2. Precipitous reductions in yacht construction, high-end resort vacations, and private club memberships would cripple the nation in a devastating loss of jobs and worker productivity.
3. After having the whole family undergo a government tribunal and malicious examination and speculation by the mainstream media.

Kultral notes

2012 GOSPer field

For some GOSPers, Geo Wha? Bush was too intelligent, too consumed with consequential matters, and -- too frequently -- unwilling or unable to take instruction from his handlers. The 2012 dream ticket -- Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber -- might carry the day, but with so much at stake, the cigar-chomping deal makers in the back should consider some candidates who can truly claim to be untainted by the brainwashing some call "edukashun."

File under "Hunh?"

John McCain't joins the growing Greek chorus of GOSPers complaining that Barack Obama has not fulfilled his campaign promise of banishing partisanship in Washington, D.C. The Beagle defies anyone to give an example of a single act or statement by any GOSPer alive to stop harping and throwing rocks and pissing and moaning. For the record, bipartisanship, by definition, is a two-way street. How can Obama or anyone else be bipartisan when the partisanship of GOSPers has gone beyond anything this Beagle has ever seen.

Korecshen

A former Southerner with strong credentials in the human and civil rights, religious liberty, and academic freedom fields takes issue, not with the depiction of Southern GOSPers as a passel of slackjawed cretins, but rather with the unfairness of making cracks about John Birch, whose reputation already suffers from having been shanghaied by ultraconservatives.

Birch, an American missionary and military officer was confronted while leading a team of Chinese, Korean, and Americans meeting up with other former Japanese prisoners at the end of WWII. When challenged to give up his revolver, Birch allegedly said, "You can take my gun when you pry it from my cold dead hands," to which the ChiComs responded, "Okay."

The Beagle will let readers decide for themselves about the degree of unfairness, given that Birch started a group in his senior year at Mercer to weed out professors who taught heresy, such as evolution, and that he agreed to serve with the Office of Strategic Services only if he could be allowed to proselytize on the government's nickel.

Didya ever wonder

where Soviet marketing and American production quality intersect?