Cal Thomas the great religious commentator used to be a spokesperson for the Moral Majority. He came to the attention of the Beagle in the 1980s when -- caught in a boldfaced lie -- he replied, "You have to push people's hot buttons to get them to act anymore." In those days, he explained that boosting ground troops in Europe and building a space-based missile defense system were what Jesus would do.
Now he offers the brilliant suggestion that Republifunks should get back to the principles of Roland Reagan. He quotes the morally questionable Paul McCartney "get back get back get back to where you once belonged," without explicitly acknowledging that the song promotes selling drugs, southern Arizona, and transgenderism, but one can assume in context that those are also Reagan values.
Since everyone wants to evoke the Gipper but no one wants to follow in his footsteps by pitching 20 mule borax for Death Valley Days Theatre, the Beagle offers this suggestion. Have the RNC print up hundreds of cardboard cutouts and then go to all the church bazaars and rummage sales and buy up all the copies of his speeches that are captured on 33 1/3 longplaying record albums and play them at rallies. The actual candidates can stand behind the cutouts and keep their own lack of values and principles well hidden.
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