Startling new discoveries from the Large Hadron Collider have
revealed the existence of new atomic particles previously unknown to the
world's scientists. Romneyium: A polyvalent particle that attaches itself to whatever seems to have traction at the moment. This volatile particle can move quickly across the spectrum and get back to where it started in a nanosecond.
Gingrichium: The so-called "god particle," this heavier-than-anything bitty bit produces an unending stream of emanations that seem to have substance at first glance but later release wisps of blowhardium into the atmosphere.
Santorumium: Also known as Holierthanthouium, really, seriously, this is "God's particle," not the god of secular scientists and other insidious forces in the universe but the really, really true One that does not depend on liberal media or academia to prove His existence.
Beagle University -- Ninuntur sustine
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