Updated for modern times

Things go better with Koch

 

Bloomberg poll shows 75 percent of Americans believe the Court's decisions on the Affordable Care Act will be political.  The poll didn't ask the obvious follow-up: Don't you think there's anything wrong with that?

Legal Beagle

Q: If I'm in Florida this summer and see a bunch of guys in their gang colors and I feel threatened by them, can I stand my ground and mow them all over, and if so, do they deserve it?

A: Yes.

NB: The Beagle supports unlimited sale, distribution and ownership of guns -- so long as they are as the Founders envisioned, i.e. 18th century gun technology.

Cracking 'em up at 46°14′3″N 6°3′19″E

NYTimes:  This is the first time in the long search for the particle that different colliders are in vague agreement. 

It has led to a joke in physics circles: The Higgs boson has not been discovered yet, but its mass is 125 billion electron volts. 

Also heard around the water cooler:

Two electrons walk into a particle accelerator, and the lab tech says, "Not so fast."

...and the bartender says, "S'funny.  We don't get a lot of  theoretical particles in here," and the theoretical particle says, "Yeah, and at these prices you won't be getting many more."

 ..."Looks like yer Large Hadron Collider blew a seal."
"That's what Enrico Fermi said." 

Knock knock
Who's there?
(quickly decaying into more common subatomic particles)

R&D continues on the industrial strength model

For the uninitiated

Threading the needle

Modern political reality is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake

שפּיץ פון די קאַפּל צו אַ ברוקלין פרעודיאַן

NASCAR entries

Team Romney
Team Gingrich
Team Ryan
Team Limbaugh
Team Rand and Ron
Team Santorum

merci à un champ d'avoine

A bold plan to change our nation's priorities

 Paul Ryan's got a plan -- the Road to Prosperity for the 0.01 percent.  But don't worry, he's got ya covered if you need health care, education, nutrition, and domestic tranquility.

C'mon people, it's either this or the road to serfdom.

Reset button

New Cathechism

What is a sacrament?
A sacrament is an outward and visible sign of an inward and invisible grace.


What are the seven sacraments?

• Tax rate cuts for corporations.
• Tax rate cuts for job creators (anyone in the top 1 percent).
• Deregulation of workplace safety, environmental, and other secular commandments that choke liberty.
• Maximum wage (for line workers in manufacturing) measured in Renminbi.
• Mandatory church attendance in a parish not infected by Satanism, i.e. Catholic, preferably Opus Dei.
• Mandatory conception.
• Wars and rumors of wars.

X-ray of candidates brains

Obama's brain

One nation under the Right God

Change of heart

Gingrich! The Movie

Opening sequence

News from CERN

Startling new discoveries from the Large Hadron Collider have revealed the existence of new atomic particles previously unknown to the world's scientists.

Romneyium:  A polyvalent particle that attaches itself to whatever seems to have traction at the moment.   This volatile particle can move quickly across the spectrum and get back to where it started in a nanosecond.

Gingrichium: The so-called "god particle," this heavier-than-anything bitty bit produces an unending stream of emanations that seem to have substance at first glance but later release wisps of blowhardium into the atmosphere.

Santorumium:  Also known as Holierthanthouium, really, seriously, this is "God's particle," not the god of secular scientists and other insidious forces in the universe but the really, really true One that does not depend on liberal media or academia to prove His existence.

Beagle University -- Ninuntur sustine

Goose? Gander!

The right tool for the job

Whom Would Jesus Bomb?

As is typical in an election, candidates engage in a bidding war to pander...er...address the concerns of their base voters.

Romney, Santorum, and Gingrich have laid out their foreign policy plans -- showing a stark contrast with the Obama administration.

Here's the schedule:

Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4

The closer you get the worse it looks

Reader's guide

When you hear GOSPer candidates say Obama is killling energy production -- even while the US is exporting oil for first time in a decade -- or that he has been weak on Iran, not strong enough on Israel, wants to establish a centralized controlled economy, or they have a plan to restore manufacturing or get cheap gas, etc., etc. all you have to do is invert it to get at the truth.

(Image reversed here)

Morning in America or Dawn of a New Millennium?

Figuratively speaking, the President of the United States wears many hats.  In a Rick Santorum Administration, the President will have an actual uniform so people know he's President.

Also, we should probably start now on the renovations to the White House so it will be ready when he takes office.

United We Stand (so get on board or else)

Now that Roy Moore is going to be back on the Alabama Supreme Court (with chances for a U.S. Supreme Court appointment) and with Santorum in the White House, it is only a matter of time before the 10 Commandments are enacted as the 28th through 38th amendments to the U.S. Constitution.

  Sure, they're simple enough, but the regulations accompanying them could get sticky.

Beagle Brand palm cards -- don't get up to the mic without 'em

We gotcha covered

Romney's media advisors keep trying

Don't worry your pretty little head

Santorum names cabinet picks

Secretary of War
Secretary of State
Secretary of the Treasury
Attorney General


Note:  Santorum, as all the other GOSPer candidates, would have the same kind of cabinet as George Washington, because that's they way God and the Framers wanted it.

Don't tell us the future if it is going to be ugly

Everybody! Sing along!

It was three years or so today

that man, Obama said he'd have his way

He's been socializing every thing

and acting like he is the King.

And if you give him four more years

you'll be drowning in a Sea of Tears,

says Romney's Fully Loaded Super PAC

We're Romney's Fully Loaded Super PAC

We manufacture moving words

Romney's Fully Loaded Super PAC

We're experts at controlling herds

Romney's Fully Loaded

Romney's Fully Loaded

Romney's Fully Loaded Super PAC

We know you will believe it

It's testing through the roof.

It might have a suggestion of

a soupcon of the Troof.

I don't really want to have to say it

So I'll launch my spreader and spray it

It's manure and you know it too

but some how it's got a hold of you

We guarantee a wet and lively show

like seeing Gallagher from the front row

The Karl, Dick Armey, Barbour

and the boys.....

Qualifications

Half of all GOSPers want better candidates. What are the qualities they're looking for? Let's listen in to a recent Beaglemedia International-sponsored focus group:

     Sure, Gingrich is...tubby. But we need a candidate who...how can I put this? – is morbidly obese. That would help solidify support in the “fried and frittered” South. It's a sharper contrast with Obama who's...practically emaciated. – white Male, 31, self-employed

     This group, most of 'em, sort of finished what they started – unless they got chased off.  It would be better to have someone who just declared victory and quit. 
     I mean, if Obama gets elected, you know he's gonna stay. But if we had someone more...opportunistic...we could almost be guaranteed we wouldn't have to wait four years for a change.  President doesn't pay that well, really.  Compared to ex-President. – white Female, 42, between positions.

     Why aren't there any wogs in the race? I mean a Catholic wog, not a dot wog. I mean, this is 2012, really, and I think we've progressed to where we could have like a southern Catholic wog or a southern Protestant woo-woo Indian, right? Our coloreds are better than their coloreds, right? – white Male, 37, not really looking, but if you know of something, sure, maybe...

     When you look at, say, Santorum, I know he is for liberty for white, male, property owners –  just like the Constitutions says. And he says he would make needed changes in women's health and reproductive practices, I mean, that seems fair. 

     But I'd like to see a candidate who'll take a strong stand on government-mandated chastity belts and full quarantine for women who are pregnant...or, you know, menstruating. You know, like they did in Bible times. It worked for them, right? – white Female, 48, SSI

Best of times, worst of times, yada yada

voir ici

Platform committee

The road ahead

Mostly smoggy

How to bump up party registrations

We're going to watch some movies

Beagle University uses the Socratic method

Q:  Hey, I read that whole damn article by Bergson, and he never said anything like what you said.

A:  But you learned something about the mechanics of humor, right?

Q:  Well, yeah, sure.

A:  Then shut up.