Crapmaggedon

Forget Simpson-Bowles

We just need the right message...

and the right sponsorship...

EXXXONMOBILCONOCOPHILLIPSDUCKSUNLIMITED PRESENT

Left on the cutting room floor

If Eli Lilly teams up with the Humboldt County boys, it'll be PHARMAgeddon

When America is subject to international law, it'll be GENDARMaggedon

When Americans are forced to read French literature, it'll be CHARTERHOUSEdePARMAggedon

If American Corporations squeeze us anymore, it'll be ARM and a LEGeddon

Let's settle this once and for all...

Citizenship Test 

(for Presidential candidates of color only)

1. Would you describe yourself as:

    a. Caucasian
    b. White Anglo-Saxon Protestant
    c. Aryan
    d. "Other"

2. Would you describe yourself as:

    a. High Episcopalian

    b. Anglican/other Fundamentalist denomination

    c. A member of a cult but one that gets a pass from the 
        people who call it a cult because of your   

        Policy on Military Spending and School Prayer

    d. One of those

3. “American Exceptionalism” means:

    a. America is the greatest country God ever gave to 
        the right People

    b. America is the greatest country that ever was and ever will be

    c. Whatever America does, by definition, is the Right Thing

    d. People all over the world throughout History 
        are proud of their "Nations" and "Empires"

4. Recognizing that the Original Intent of the Founding   
    Fathers was Voting Rights for White, Male, Property 
    Owners only, the number of homes you own is:

    a. Seven

    b. Fourteen

    c. Twenty-one (with separate elevators for 
        a couple-a Cadillacs and the dog)

    d. Living on federal housing allowance

5. Were you born in a part of America that looks like America, 
    such as:

    a. Michigan

    b. Harvard Rowing Team locker room
    c. Deer Island

    d. Panama Canal Zone

Presto