beagletown bugle: May 2012

Citizenship Test

(for Presidential candidates of color only)

1. Would you describe yourself as:

    a. Caucasian
    b. White Anglo-Saxon Protestant
    c. Aryan
    d. "Other"

2. Would you describe yourself as:

a. High Episcopalian

b. Anglican/other Fundamentalist denomination

c. A member of a cult but one that gets a pass from the
people who call it a cult because of your

Policy on Military Spending and School Prayer

d. One of those

3. “American Exceptionalism” means:

a. America is the greatest country God ever gave to
the right People

b. America is the greatest country that ever was and ever will be

c. Whatever America does, by definition, is the Right Thing

d. People all over the world throughout History
are proud of their "Nations" and "Empires"

4. Recognizing that the Original Intent of the Founding
    Fathers was Voting Rights for White, Male, Property
    Owners only, the number of homes you own is:

a. Seven

b. Fourteen

c. Twenty-one (with separate elevators for
a couple-a Cadillacs and the dog)

d. Living on federal housing allowance

5. Were you born in a part of America that looks like America,
such as:

a. Michigan

b. Harvard Rowing Team locker room
c. Deer Island

d. Panama Canal Zone

Isn't U.S. just like an abused spouse?

Beaten out of wages and benefits, threatened with layoffs, raped of pensions and retirement savings, health care. Night after night, GOSPers come home drunk off spending trillions in borrowed Chinese Walmart dollars, running up the household debt on gambling and giving it all away to their pals, complaining about the unions and the media and the rest of that socialist cabal, and holding forth clamorously about their earnest intentions to some day do something about prayer in schools, abortion, vouchers, creation science, yadder yadder before snoozing off in front of the six o'clock news.

Beagle "classics" No. 10-16-08.

Counts as 3 credits History