Thursday, June 30, 2011
Porno for GOSPers
This scorcher is hitting one primary state after another... ***
Is it cognitive dissonance or having it both ways? **
He's the manchild who wants it all and now. ***
What happens with you throw away all the rules? ****
Is it cognitive dissonance or having it both ways? **
He's the manchild who wants it all and now. ***
What happens with you throw away all the rules? ****
Beagle's Index
Percentage of announced GOSPer Presidential hopefuls who wear spiritual underwear: 22%
Number of announced GOSPer Presidential contenders who attended under-accredited Christian law schools in Tulsa: 11%
Helmet hair: 89%
Ruffled professorial tonsure: 11%
Libertarian: 11%
Fake Libertarian: 89%
Total charges pending at Tiffany's for all candidates: $2 million
Percentage of pending Tiffany's charges owed by washed up nonentities still trying to convince someone they are too groovy to be comprehended by the mainstream media, traditional politicians, family, friends, former allies and staff: 100%
Number of candidates who want to eliminate the Federal Reserve: 3
Number of candidates who want to return to the Gold Standard: 3
Number of candidates who want to return to the 19th century: 7
Willing to go the extra mile because they have the fire in the belly: 110%
Courageous enough to stand foursquare behind the American dream: 110%
Recognize America needs a new course: 100%
Believe that it should be a luxury golf course: 97%
Are at Grover Norquist's beck and call: 86%
Are at David and Charles Koch's beck and call: 92%
Are at Beck's beck and Rush's call: 97%
Committed to be on the spot to make the calls: 110%
Believe Ronald Reagan was an American saint: 100%
Remember George W. Bush (43): 0%
Note: All percentages derived from wild guesstimates or pure invention.
Number of announced GOSPer Presidential contenders who attended under-accredited Christian law schools in Tulsa: 11%
Helmet hair: 89%
Ruffled professorial tonsure: 11%
Libertarian: 11%
Fake Libertarian: 89%
Total charges pending at Tiffany's for all candidates: $2 million
Percentage of pending Tiffany's charges owed by washed up nonentities still trying to convince someone they are too groovy to be comprehended by the mainstream media, traditional politicians, family, friends, former allies and staff: 100%
Number of candidates who want to eliminate the Federal Reserve: 3
Number of candidates who want to return to the Gold Standard: 3
Number of candidates who want to return to the 19th century: 7
Willing to go the extra mile because they have the fire in the belly: 110%
Courageous enough to stand foursquare behind the American dream: 110%
Recognize America needs a new course: 100%
Believe that it should be a luxury golf course: 97%
Are at Grover Norquist's beck and call: 86%
Are at David and Charles Koch's beck and call: 92%
Are at Beck's beck and Rush's call: 97%
Committed to be on the spot to make the calls: 110%
Believe Ronald Reagan was an American saint: 100%
Remember George W. Bush (43): 0%
Note: All percentages derived from wild guesstimates or pure invention.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
What an innovative, business-savvy EPA would look like
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Thrilla in Vanilla
Herman Cain's surge aside, everyone knows the nomination will boil down to Sarah or Michele (or Sarah Michelle). The Beagle provides this helpful decision matrix to help voters determine what is the best course for America at this critical juncture.
More nuts or less nuts?
Free speech?
Media hoor or media soiled dove?
WWHC?
More nuts or less nuts?
Free speech?
Media hoor or media soiled dove?
WWHC?
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