Beaglepredictions

More educational backwash

Don't end up like these two

A Capitol Hill policy manufacturer who covers stoopidity for the Beagle notes that two Iowa knuckleheads would not have been captured if they read the Beagle and took advantage of our free public service Halloween masks.

Free masks for Halloween

As a public service in these tight times, the Beagletown Bugle provides Halloween masks and masques guaranteed to scare the peewads out of the kiddies. Simply print them out on stiff paper, tie strings through the conveniently provided hole guides, and get out on the street. Main Street or Wall Street, there'll be more yowling than a health care town hall meeting.

Poison? poison? tasty fish.

Don't call me 'monkey.'

Hey, there, big Anglican. Whyncha c'mon up and see me some time?

A president for these difficult times.

Government doctor.

Scare the grandkiddies, too.

30 GOSPers (don't count 'em)

Should be a Jon Stewart clip here.

Just in time for Halloween

Hot on the charts

Some say they are disappointed Barack Obama hasn't changed everything that needed to be changed, like Rome was paved over and lead based in a day. Be grateful, for example, he is going slow on Afghanistan. Once upon a time, it was all "We gotta give the commanders on the ground everything they need until the job is done." There is a place for deliberation.

Remember when we were reckless and foolish, saying, "Hey, we got a big surplus, we should give trillions in tax cuts, trillions more in federal contracts, and we'll still have trillions more?" Those people want back in.

Turning Henry on his head

Pope Benedict the XVI announced his plans to seduce all the Anglicans who lost their way in the 16th century.

Just to be thorough about it, the Vatican should disarm the British Navy, dismantle coastal defenses, and erase all the maps he made. Oh yes, and gorilla glue all the heads back on Henry's ex-wives.

Also everybody in the U.S. has to speak Spanish because there wouldn't have been any English-speaking colonial exercises in the New World.

And if Henry hadn't relieved the Vatican of power and excess riches and used it to built a powerful Britain, there would have been nothing to slow popes down, and we'd all be Catholic by now. And the Vatican would be in a better position to challenge Islamic expansionism.

Reader feedbag

A faithful reader notes that all the attention on "cowboys and monkeys" suggest the Beagletorials should get out more often, possibly setting the Austin Nichols down for a moment and pick up a newspaper.

An advocate of the people in an anti-people, anti-advocacy state forwards an expression of some frustration, well-stated, about the lack of progress. Some longtime observers of the American political scene will find this theme familiar from beaglegone years, such as 1993.

Some readers just say they want more pictures of funny animals. Obliged.

Robot dogs in action

Dr. Hin's Ready Primate Guide

Lately, there hasn't been enough attention paid to the misnaming of the douc langur monkey, the southeast Asian Old World monkey recently featured -- some have suggested overexposed -- on the pages of the Beagle.

The douc is more closely related to the proboscis and snub-nosed monkeys than to any of the langurs, not to be snotty about it.

Perhaps monkeys don't care for the taxonomic irregularities since they don't read at a seventh grade level. Yet. But monkey-powered treadmill robots with teleported motivation are coming on-line, and readers are reminded to be alert.

Revolutionary breakthrough

Questions that haunt us

Sure Quickdraw McGraw was the fastest-shootingest cowboy you ever saw. We won't take issue with the fact that he was neither a cow nor a boy nor technically a cowboy, since he was sheriff. Living in the modern era has conditioned us to cognitive dissonance.

But what was so high-faluting about Quickdraw? Was he pompous or pretentious or pedantic? Just the opposite. Did he ever once say, "Hey, Baba Louie, do you prefer Verdi to Pucchini?" or "Say, pardner, you shouldn't be drinking a Chablis with that Chateaubriand; why not try this Beaujolais?"

Theme song-writers with their deference to rhyme over meaning might attempt to claim irony, and yet they continue to draw their pay -- heedless of the Beagletarian conundrum worldwide.

Equal time

As for rootingest and tootingest, Yosemite Sam claims that he is all that in the West, allowing for the possibility of someone rootier and tootier in the East. Sam relied on volume and the bon mot.

Get a-goin' ya racka-frackin' carrot-chewin' varmint! Not that way, ya idget! Listen here, galoot! I'm the rootingest, tootingest here outlaw in the West! And I wants ya ta get outta here ya no-account, bush-whackin' barracuda! Ya rassa-frassin' fur-bearin' critter! Great horny toads!

Let the truth be told

Let freedom from health care ring

More inexclusives

This one!
That one!
Don't stop!
No, don't! Stop!

Liberated from one cage to another

Baboon freed from Kentucky garage. Owner says baboons are better than kids cuz they don't talk back.

On the job

Got it!
Keeper!
Boss'll love this!
That the stuff!
One more!

Things to consider

Friday night movie

He even wore a tie

Facts is facts

Americans are also more likely to die in military combat than the whimpering, pant-wetting cowards our military has spent the past 70 years defending. -- Ann C(*)lter

Evidence that America's predatory health care insurance/exclusion policies are better than Old Europe's.

[The Democrats'] health care "reform" bill has been exposed at town hall meetings as a power grab over life and death with the strong possibility that "do no harm" will be replaced by a utilitarian approach. -- Cal Thomas

Oh yes, the truth has been exposed. A utilitarian approach, that's like Communism, right?

Penny postcard

Further proof

A North Carolina monkey on a treadmill motivates a Kyoto robot. Believe it or not.
A peek at the future.
Who is behind it all?

Monkey controlled robots on Broadway

Frank Bull's Boogie by Jimmie Grissom and the Blenders

Philology Korner

The inevitable triumph of conservatism over liberalism is apparent. Conservative terms are being generated at a faster rate, and with much higher quality, than liberal terms are.

Powerful, insightful new conservative terms have grown at a geometric rate, roughly doubling every century.

Conservapedia -- the outfit that's updating the Bible to provide the proper context and terminology to understand what Jesus really meant in Matthew 19:21 (Greed is good) and John 18:36 (Jesus would endorse every word of the GOSPer platform if he hadn't been killed by Romans from Old Europe) because there are a lot more words available today than there were in 1611.

Expressions MSM Merriam-Webster won't include

Familiopathic -- Pro-abortion, pro-gay marriage, anti-prayer in school
Anti-infernal -- Denies the reality of a fiery hell for non-believers
Abstinence-denier -- Those who deny the role abstinence plays in preventing unplanned pregnancies and disease
KKK Teaparty -- When the MSM brushes past the upstanding citizens who have never done this kind of thing before and seek out the less intelligent or possibly deranged who do not represent the average participants who just want to say they've had enough
Dolophile -- People who want power by putting everybody on a government check
Dramacast -- CBS News, etc.
Heel-digger -- Denies the inevitable rise of conservatism
Hellbound -- Denies the inevitable rise of Christian conservatism
We the people democracy -- What the right and only the right has the right to expropriate for short-term partisan gain
Media idolatry -- Distracting the masses with gossip
Schlockumentary -- Propaganda or infotainment that diminishes the contributions of conservatives in American society

BeagleCare -- the cure for linear thinking

According to the MSM (NYTimes) daily Beagleship is recommended by Drs. Soren Kierkegaard and Sigmund Freud, both of Old Europe. The Sigster, in particular, described the Beagletown Bugle as "something that ought to have remained hidden but has come to light" like the man who broke into a Slidell home, cooked himself dinner, danced around naked under the surveillance cameras, fixed himself a couple of cocktails, trashed the house, wrapped himself in a sheet and left. "The urge to find a coherent pattern makes it more likely that the brain will find one," like a zen koan or Beaglesentenceparagraph, the Times opines.

Market raiders of a gentler time

The Shaffordshire Hoard may exceed the Sutton Hoo.

The Beagle does not recommend nor endorse

paying some bastards $5,500 for grabbing up a Capuchin baby away from its mother until the baby ain't cute anymore.

Where to get monkey clothes.

Going Rogue -- exclusive excerpts

First of all, no woman in politics has ever been treated with the kind of bias the media likes to dangle out there for the hate America first crowd or anyone else who pulled up by their boots.

Also, they don't get it. McCain't was in the crapper before I came along. I revived the Geezer Express. I was the kind of rebel reformer maverick rogue the country wanted and couldn't get enough of.

But when you hear the stories of regular Americans, who you know are just hoping and a-prayin' for an American resurgence, they want to live in an America where you can be proud to say you're a rogue -- not what Merriam-Webster says, a scoundrel, vagrant, tramp, dishonest, worthless or mischievous person, or a horse inclined to shirk or misbehave. No, not that kind, but a good old, fun-loving, pro-American, red-blooded, rodeo romping Republicackle Rogue Elephant resplendent in victory in 2012.

King Kong on Broadway

There's a new paparazzo in Beagletown

Like this
and this
and this

The latest analysis

The way things are going

To hell with the Clique of Six

You said a mouthful, Tom

Errr...errr...Judgment gets impaired by arrogance, and that’s what’s going on here. -- Sen. Tom Coburn

Kulture/Voodoo Korner

If you only see one zombie movie this month, watch Val Lewton's I Walked with a Zombie at 7:30 a.m. EST Saturday, October 3rd. If you watch two zombie movies, get up a little earlier and watch White Zombie at 6 a.m. Saturday, October 3, with Bela Lugosi. If you watch three voodoo this month, set your tivo for Black Moon with Faye Wray at 3:30 a.m. EST Friday, October 9.

But...if you only watch one movie this month -- zombies or not -- and you have 77 minutes, see William Wellman's Wild Boys of the Road at 1 a.m. EST, Friday, October 9. No Zombies, but plenty of zippy Depression-era action.

Certainty blues

Cheapening evil

For the record, this blog never equated Bush with Hitler. We may have said that when finance capital runs the government directly that is a textbook form of fascism, but we never accused him of death camps or indoctrination centers or plans for world domination.

But some Beagleterribles have become deeply uncomfortable with the way terms get thrown around. Does trying to extend coverage to 47 million uninsured equate to death camps and forced labor?

Dorm room philosophers can argue drunkly about whether Stalin was worse than Hitler or Mao was worse than both of them. But couldn't some grownup stand up and call bullschtuff to tossing names around like a hackey sack and remind people that the Nazi regime didn't start with universal health care, but it did start with misinformed, desperate vitriol spouted by radio personalities.

It's too much to hope there would be mandatory national viewing and discussion of Shoah or Night and Fog just so people would know, but -- short version -- those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.