Nature Korner

Animal camouflage

Vol. 1, No 1.

Ask Dr. Hin?

Q: There is a thing I heard of, sleep? People lie down, close their eyes and supposedly go into some kind of unconscious state and a lot of them have hallucinations and it seems they are always the heroes or something. Do you really believe that in these modern times?

A: Awaking or asleep matters nothing if you run the treadmill in an unconscious disreality.

Q: The littler kids keep calling me names, and they don't even know how to cuss, so they say things like, "shitdamn" or "poophead." How can I make them stop?

A: The splintering minority sputters they are powerless because they are shut out by the media and only have a vast television, radio, and internet network to provide a septic barrage of propaganda, innuendo, diversion, accusation, invented outrage, and answerless questions. What fraction of the electorate?

More than 27% off

Exclusive

Photo of the Senate Finance Health Care bill.

If you look past the highest per capita collection of rusted pick'em up trucks on cinder blocks and washing machines on right leaning porches, you can see some fine, well-lubricated Amurican social engineering.

The capper is they're taking advice from a lot of shade tree mechanics openly hoping the project's a failure.

What management book did they get that out of?

Many more stoopidities here and here.

Everything you need to know you learned before you got to kindergarten

The original principles GOSPers stand by are deeply ingrained in the psyche, despite the affective learning of public schools:

He hit me first. In all the ugliness that passes for "debate" these days, no GOSPer commentary is complete without saying, "Well, if a Democrat said that, the media would (ignore it/pay it more attention)..."

Mom likes you best. Does CBS, NBC, ABC News really justify FOX's approach to news and information? Just asking.

I don't wanna! Regulations? Taxes? Infrastructure? Public services? We don't need all that, just liberate commerce from the shackles of Obama-style Communism! Hey, we'll support tax-supported, single-payer health care for seniors (Medicare) right up until the time we get elected and vote against it.

If I don't get my way, I'll take my ball and go home. GOSPers showed themselves to be budget busters, whoremongers, petty crooks,and hawks -- and still today. They lost, alright? It happens. But they say forget the right to petition, let's scrub the bush of liberty with the blood of patriots. Hey! Calm down! Wait til next year!

Name calling. Remember how Roland Reagan "restored the imperial presidency"? Only because GOSPers capped the crap for a while. The two-thirds of Americans who support the single payer option should shut up, because the tea party gang is tougher and more committed and smarter, and Democrats are Commie Nazi idiots who want to kill you.

The latest conspiracies

Natalie Wood (Natalia Nikolaevna Zakharenko/Наталья Николаевна Захаренко) was a Russian sent by the Kremlin on the eve of World War II to corrupt America's youth. You see, once red-blooded American boys got a hold of Natalie, they couldn't control themselves and went off to have sex with the first woman available. Her movies also encouraged cannibalism and marijuana.

James Madison corrupted the original intent of the framers by tacking the so-called "Bill of Rights" to the original 10 articles to the U.S. Constitution. Ten Articles. Ten Commandments....c'mon, what do you think that really means? Did Moses' brother, Aaron, come down with the 12 Exceptions? No, he didn't. Wake up, people.

Karl Marx did most of his research and writing in the Reading Room of the British Library. If he had done his research in an American library, we would have see something much, much different. The Reading Room of the British Library is under a dome -- just like the American Capitol building. Coincidence? Think about it. C'mon.

Кольская сверхглубокая скважина

Those tired of waiting for the Large Hadron Collider to start back up should take a look at the Kola Superdeep Borehole -- 40,000 superdeep into the Kola Peninsula. In some accounts, the effort had to be discontinued because workers found the wailing of souls in hell too disturbing. Science and religion converged around the fact that it became too hot for the drill bits.

The U.S. Mohole -- an effort to get to the bottom of the Mohorovičić discontinuity -- never got that far. It never even got as far as the 31,000-foot Bertha Rogers hole in Washita County, Oklahoma. The Japanese are weighing in with the Chikyū Hakken, but it is not planned to go as deep as the Kola Superdeep Borehole.

Many American holes are far more shallow.

FEMA camps revisited

Secretly, some Beagle- tarians wish the fevered dreams of right- wingonuts was real to the extent that those practicing full-time partisan rants in the guise of news and baseless accusations for their own amusement be frog marched off to a quiet place for a thorough-going thrummage and pummeling.

Contrary to popular belief

Congress doesn't love pork.

Congress got pork all juiced up on cheap wine and took advantage of her.

Sign up today!

Ask your Congressfolk, "Will this treatment be covered by ObamaCare?" and "Can you personally guarantee that I will be able to get a qualified physician who has both a beard AND a mustache?"

Robot Roundup

Cyborgs who can think like rats here and here.

Pentagon-powered beetles.

Film at 11.

Full-range of robot-related developments (warning: Saskatchewan-oriented)

Finally, for those tired of having to use their own brain, see here and here.

(Film submitted by a Capitol Hill policy manufacturer who monitors scientific developments for Beagletarians everywhere)

Theology Korner

A multi-colored frog in India is worshiped as a god.

But what about color-blind monkeys? How can they discern between frogs that are manifestations of Svayam Bhagavan and yer normal fly-eating graduated tadpole?

Finally, genetic altering has provided the answer.

Now, if we can get scientists to do a little reverse engineering, we might develop monkeys who can't see color. Watch this space for developments.

Monkey-related transportation issues

Brain/Trust

While the media pack yaps and snarls about whether racism is at the heart of the anti-Obama crowd, they miss the obvious.

GOSPers don't hate Obama cuz he's Black. They hate him because he's smart.

Dubya? Too smart for most of 'em. Went to Yale and Hahvahd, fer goodness sakes. Lousy grades, but so what? McCain't? Proud of being a well below average student at Annapolis. Put it in his resume. Talked about it in his speeches. As insurance, picked up a running mate who believes that watching Putin's plane fly over her house constitutes foreign policy credentials. As further insurance, they picked up a second running mate -- Joe the Plumber, who didn't even bother to get his plumber's license.

Irving Kristol? dead. William F. Buckley? dead. Bob Novak? dead.

Think about it. On second thought, don't bother.

The numbers are in

Kultral notes -- Race in America

The Beagletolerables are unused to speculation or hyperbole, presenting established facts in a purely straightforward manner. But imagine that any white person understands for one second what it means to be Black in America. Okay, stop with the we are an "I can dig where you're coming from, man" society. Shut up. It's a different country, and 78.9 percent of registered Beagletarians have never been there.

The Beagle wishes for one week we had a Black Rash Limbo nostalgizing about the good old days when a Black man could stand tall and say, hey, get out of my way, it's a birthright Jesus gave me personally, and if I feel that passionately about it, and if I can dream up a ludicrous enough story about the latest thing I read among the internets, then it positively has to be true.

Tell all the other white people you know (unless one of their parents is technically Black) to shut up! about what they know! about race relations in America today. At the same time tell them, to the full extent possible, relax.

All you need is love

Warning: The Troggs hit that Jimi Hendrix didn't cover.

Still more robot alarums

More robot alarums

University of Arizona medical students at the University Medical College's Labor and Delivery Unit (The UA-UMC-LDU) delivered the first cute little R.O.B.O.T. baby. Ain't that precious.

The lifelike newborn robot changes from a perky pink to the dusky blue of oxygen deficiency and transmogrifies into a mutant rat zombie that feeds on human flesh. Doctors and nurses can practice their resuscitation skills on its simulated seizures, unless they are consumed by its insatiable starvation for blood and entrails.

Like all robots, they work any hours without holidays or pay! Such a deal!

In Kampala

Thirteen people were killed in rioting by the ethnically dominant Bagandans protesting the government of Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni.

King Ronald Muwenda Mutebi II of the Kingdom of Buganda has encouraged radio listeners to put into action their contempt for the government. Asians are often targeted and considered protected by the government with special holidays and tax benefits.

When King Ronald was barred from traveling to an area inhabited by the renegade Banyalas, the false rumor was quickly spread that he had been arrested.

Meanwhile in Warshington

The American Dick Armey and others said tens of thousands of proponents of limited government pumped up by King Rash Limbo attended the 9/12 rally at the Capitol. They called it the largest group of fiscal conservatives to ever gather in Washington.

Not really. A bigger collection was all the fiscally conservative presidents, senators, congresspersons, Hill staffers, budget writers, tax writers, politicos, and hired hacks who ran up an $8 trillion debt and spent dollars like dimes and kept quarters for their efforts. That bunch easily ran into the tens of thousands.

They didn't carry signs around or shout themselves hoarse. They quietly went about the business of political business, and are now clearly really sore because they aren't getting their cut.

GOSPer values

Rebranding 2009

History and Art together Korner

Fr. Charles Coughlin was the Rash Limbo of his day.
Ben Shahn was a great Lithuianian-American artist without equal in our time.

Penance, credit, and invitation

The previous three images were taken from the blog, If Charlie Parker were a gunslinger, there'd be a lot of dead copycats, which readers should definitely see and follow. And so have a lot of other images, etc.

Keep putting the word out

New GOSPer simplified

Further elucidated

They are not kidding

Rhetoric 101

The earliest mention of oratorical skill occurs in Homer's Iliad, where heroes like Achilles, Hektor, and Odysseus were honored for their ability to advise and exhort their peers and followers in wise and appropriate action.

example: You lie, you pig licking Seleucid! You just want to take the Achaeans into Marxist-Leninist style controlled economy.

With the rise of the democratic polis, oratory was the medium through which political and judicial decisions were made, and philosophical ideas were developed and disseminated.

example: Socrates and his liberal minions all want us to drink the hemlock so they can control every aspect of our lives, take away our hoplite swords, and set up death panels and concentration camps for those who don't agree with their politically correct party line. Nyaaah.

Rhetoric thus evolved as an important art that provided the forms, means, and strategies for persuading an audience of the correctness of the orator's arguments.

example: Nyaaah. You hate Greece. Greece-hater. Nyaah.

GOSPers got the glazzy dazzle

Ask Dr. Hin?

Q: Doesn't a heretofore undiscovered yard-long "dog-sized" rat found living only in an extinct volcano in the southern highlands of Papau New Guinea merit coverage anymore?

A: Botany is not Dr. Hin's longest suit. Some media outlets differ.

Q: Botany is about like the rat-eating pitcher plant named after David Attenborough on Mount Victoria in Palawan, central Phillipines.

A: I would say looks was more of like a mouse.

Q: Could a pit bull with lipstick-sized rat hyped up on pitcher plant juice swallow the garbage the GOSPers have been putting out?

A: Stir in the newteye and extreme right hinderquarters of crossbred toad until the rushmobs are seething.

GOSPer decorum

Rep. Jerk Wilson

Confirmed proof

Overanxious bureaucrats have shown their hand by generating the Death Panel evaluation form leaked exclusively to this media outlet.

Kultral notes

Folks in Glenrock, Wyoming, were up in arms at local peace officers' unnecessary exuberance in suppressing a 76-year-old farmer who tried to take the cut-off from the tractor parade to the tractor pull. Despite the commotion, no arrests were made.

Casper attorney John Robinson defended the police actions against threats to the domestic tranquility of Deer Creek Days.

"[These law officials who should apparently be justified in doing anything to protect the homeland] ultimately [five times with a taser] de-escalated a volatile situation [his son yelling, "He has a heart condition"] created by Mr. Grose's actions [making an illegal turn and bumping into a police car]. If anyone violated the law that day, it was Mr. Grose [crapping apples in the public square].

"He should not be considered a folk hero."

Kultral notes II

Next over in Utah, folks were in arms about propagandistic materials being disseminated to impressionable children in the government schools. Some worry that children will condemn their parents for using plastic bags, shopping at Walmart or throwing six-pack rings into the ocean. First thing you know, they'll turn away from God, experiment with drugs, vote the other party and get a disease.

The Beagleboard consensus was we pity Eagle Forum mothers who don't pay any attention to what messages their children hear in school, from their teachers, peers, from television, radio, the internet, what their pastor or Sunday school teacher is telling them, anything and everything. No parent has to worry about indoctrinating kids at school if they pay attention and stay involved on the lives of their own children.

The fine line.

Special high escaped underwater robot alert!

Be on the...Look Out!
for an escaped underwater R.O.B.O.T. who may not be conversant with the finer points of the Asimov principles but still generally able to distinguish between a large fish and a small person.

Authorities were not apparently alarmed that the fugitive could conceivably reproduce with a colony of sea monkeys or, at the very least, develop an underwater robot manufacturing concern with the assistance of Asian capital and unpaid manatee labor.

Readers may try to reassure themselves that these scenarios are improbable or even apoplectic, but you have probably never encountered an underwater robot fleeing in a panic. They can propagate any number of oceanic unimaginables among jittery locals in the vicinity.

Bachmann's prescription

What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists. -- Rep. Michele Bachmann

Readers may have their own ideas of people they'd like to participate in this demonstration of solidarity. The Beagleterrible's list exceeds poindexterian protocols and space limitations.

We are willing to help in the success of this endeavor. Hasta la vista!